Revelations

Today I am going to do something that I find personally very scary. I am going to tell the whole world{via my blog} that I know I am obese, I'm not happy about it, and I am going to work to change it.
Hmmm! That was liberating.

I've struggled with weight issues pretty much as long as I can remember. Whether it is true or not, I think it really snowballed when I was diagnosed with asthma as a child. I would cough for hours on end, and then I discovered that if I was eating or drinking something I wouldn't cough. And so it began. More eating + Less moving = Trouble
I don't discuss my issues with anyone except for maybe Ryan and sometimes my parents. Primarily because I know I'm overweight, you know I'm overweight and me making offhand comments about how I'm fat isn't going to do anything but make us both uncomfortable.

I can't tell you what specifically light a fire under my behind, but something yesterday just clicked. Last night as I was feeding Morgan at about 10:45, I came to the realization that I could not wake up one more morning to my same old messy house. Toys everywhere, groceries that hadn't been put away, crumby floor, etc, etc. So at shortly after 11pm last night, I got up and cleaned. I cleaned until about 1:30 and got a lot done. During this 2.5 hours of alone time with the mess, I came to the conclusion that I really had not been holding myself accountable for the poor choices I had been making in regard to diet and exercise. Slothfulness comes to mind in regards to several aspects of my life. If I was working in the middle of the night so that I didn't have to wake up to a dirty and depressing house, I was going to "clean house" in a few other ways as well.

Kudos if you are still with me.

Another reason I keep a lot of these issues to myself is because public failure is humiliating. I don't particularly care for humiliation. Now I don't have the option of quietly giving up and going back to my old ways. People will be watching and more likely than not, scrutinizing the choices I make.

Here are a few things I am going to do to help me change for the better:
♦ No Television that I find entertaining while Ryan is at work. (I'm not going to tie my hands on Joshua's favorite shows. Sometimes a Mommy needs a break)
♦ I will keep a food diary detailing what I have eaten during the day.(That's worked marvelously well for me in the past)
♦ I will phase out soda consumption. I still have a few Diet Cherry Cokes around the house that I will probably finish off, but no new soda purchases. No soda at restaurants either.
♦ I will reach for a glass of water everytime my mind thinks it is hungry.
♦ I will do some activity that elevates my heart rate for at least 40 minutes, at least 4 times a week. {We are getting Wii Fit as soon as we can find a copy, so I'm not going to be uber specific on exercise goals at the moment}
♦ I will search to find and subsequently minimize my triggers for emotional eating.
♦ I will pay closer attention to my portion sizes. (Time to bust out my fancy food scale)
♦ I will not succumb to fad dieting(That means you, Dr. Phil!)
♦ I will print out my goals and keep them handy.
♦ I will strive to keep my expectations realistic and find small ways to reward myself for a job well done.
♦ I will not go to bed at night until the sink is empty of dishes and the toys have been put away. (Not directly a fitness goal, but if you feel good about your surroundings, it is much better to feel good about yourself.)
♦ I will not get defensive or shy when you ask how it is going. I will be happy to share my progress, setbacks, or whatever.

I'm sure there are more and I'll add to my list when I think of them.

21 days to make a habit. Here is to day 1!